Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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