"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
