i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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