i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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