i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
