Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
