Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
