i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
