I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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