I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think your dad took our porno
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
