jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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