so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
