I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
