I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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