The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
