since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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