Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
