I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
