great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
