Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
