your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
