How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
