Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
