I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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