I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
