I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
