I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize