I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
