You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
