she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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