I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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