I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he thought i was a dude.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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