Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
