She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We need to get me chipped asap
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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