I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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