Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
