when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
