farters have to be the big spoon...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
