she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
