Having a random hookup so left but love u
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
