I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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