Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
