Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
