Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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