The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
