hotel room ftw
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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