i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
