He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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