nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
