yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
