Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
two words: eviction party
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
