id be glad to
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize