this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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