while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
