remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
