He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
