You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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