my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
