I want to have your abortion
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
