she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
