Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
