i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
