I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
