im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
