first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
