Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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