Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
