do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
