My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
