So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
