My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
